]]> http://www.karinpinter.com/spot-the-similarities/feed 0 http://www.karinpinter.com/where-oh-where-do-your-breast-implants-go http://www.karinpinter.com/where-oh-where-do-your-breast-implants-go#comments Sun, 20 May 2007 20:12:00 +0000 Karin Pinter http://karinpinter.com/wordpress/?p=25 So I’ve devoured a sandwich between meetings and browsed through one of the local mind-numbing social life magazines, which has an article about breast implants that in the beginning reads more like science fiction.

The article describes how a company has been researching the possibility of integrating mp3 players into silicone breast implants, which would then be controlled via Bluetooth technology on a wrist panel. Scientists have already proposed medically advantageous implants within the implants, including chips to detect and send warning signals in case of changes in blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, etc.

I’ve had enough coffee by now for my imagination to run wild with the different ideas – perhaps they could insert a number pad so a person could call someone straight from their breast? It would certainly put a whole new meaning on “speaking from the heart…”

And moving down the body, calf implants could hold garage door triggers, saving time and hassle of fiddling with getting said key out of one’s trouser pocket.

The question is, what would they put in a buttock implant?

Once upon a time, wealthy Egyptians were buried with jewellery and valuables to secure their immortality in the afterlife. Since we’re still not sure this worked out for them… it should not come as any surprise if the afterlife does not accept 21st century investments in plastic surgery, which is why people now experience the complications of breast implants in terms of burial. Because silicone is not biodegradable like flesh and bones, it “leaves a problematic residual mess in the crematorium oven.” So funeral arrangements would have to include surgical removal of the implants (nip-untuck?).

And where do these go… is there a silicone heaven out there for the rejected implants? Or is this the true, secretive raison d’être of the Silicone Valley…?