While the floor shifted and the chandelier swayed, and a dog wiffled wondering what was going on, I stood where it seemed safest, and waited for things that should not be moving like this to stop moving as they were. I sent a simple text message to my closest friend (ironically, two hours’ drive away, and for whom I was dog sitting) saying, “Earthquake…” following up a few minutes later with, “It’s all good.”

I’ve finally been ‘inducted’ into the LA Quake Hall of Existence. Needless to say, I am grateful nothing more came of this one.

It did, however, shake up my already sensitive self. As the afternoon progressed, so did my reflections on what it means to be so far away from people you care about (both in distance and time differences), when those within your more immediate vicinity have already assimilated such things and passed them off as ‘just another one,’ and don’t think to check in on how you might have felt since you’re still new to it all. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives these days, it’s hard to feel connected.

So, admittedly, I felt very alone, and very uncomfortable.

It is not always easy to understand why sometimes we are in a strange place, with few people to call upon, feeling overwhelmingly isolated, and asking ourselves why and what for? What brought us here in the first place, and where is it taking us? What did we tell ourselves that landed us where we are, if it’s not quite where we thought we’d be?

As a friend of mine in Richmond just reminded me while I was writing this, “Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all.” Cliché, yes. True 99.99% of the time though.

And to this may I add, that ‘failure’ is really nothing more than an indicator for us to go in a different direction in order to fulfil our dreams and aspirations. Perhaps a painful indicator at times.

As we go along our way, we will do things others won’t approve of, and feel very detached as a result. Yet real approval has to come from within.

We will do things others will point fingers at us for, because they don’t care to lend a hand and try to understand us better in the process.

We will be judged by people who forget to ask themselves what it really is that bothers them about what we do. Are we challenging a part of them that desires the courage to try something different, step outside the societal box of how things have always been?

We will be written off by some who deem themselves so important they need never take a chance to find a deeper connection.

The truth is, what does it really matter what they think, as long as we know that we are healthy, doing what we do with honesty, integrity, and hopefully, we are happy? If, beyond that, we have touched others and they share this with us, it is something more to be thankful for.

Ultimately, whatever you feel or do has to matter to you above all, even if nobody else is there, because when you’re all alone and the ground beneath you is shaking, and you don’t know what is going to happen next… this is when you hope to be at peace with yourself.

Yes, these words come from feelings of isolation, although that can be changed.

To those of you who know me and are reading this, I miss you.

It’s also my job to place clients’ sites at the top of search engine rankings.

Today I found an old friend’s obituary there.

I then proceeded to spend the next 2 hours trying to prove that little excerpt wrong until I found a news item relating to her passing, and I was forced to accept the painful reality. She was 32.

‘Gutted’ and ‘shocked’ would be a good start to describe my initial spine-chilled reactions.

This is not going to be a long-winded discussion on how short life is, and what we make of it. It’s simply a reflection on how sometimes we find things we would never expect (or like) on what we have come to take for granted as a primary source of instant information gratification, and the horrifying news it can provide on such a personal level.

Panta rei,  amiga mia. Descansa en paz.

Back in the 4^th millennium B.C., our ancestors wrote on clay tablets, making greater use of their brains to retain what was being instructed. Eventually we upgraded to quills and pens and leather-bound notebooks. Now we have magically come ‘full circle’ with cute touch-screen offspring that allow us to wirelessly access vast sources of information, without having to write anything down; worst of all, without having to memorise it. This has become our latest human development in brain function – coordinating our interactions on screen to conjure up a ludicrous amount of data we are hardly capacitated to remember these days. We are left wanting for more and dangerously retaining less.

Unfortunately, Generation Y seems to be in truth a Generation ADD or even ADHD, considering the constant bombardment of news, information, and distractions that seem so important to us now. Many people wouldn’t even realise how limited their attention span is as they are too busy skimming from one thing to the next – in fact, this trait seems to be a given these days.

Likewise, few of those living in the developed countries would know to tell which phase the moon is in to understand their heightened sensitivities, or find their bearings at night based on the stars. We are so married to our gadgets and internet that we have forgotten the most basic elements of survival. It is frightening, to say the least, given the geographical turmoil we are all experiencing in different parts of the world. Not to put apocalyptic fears into anyone’s heads, yet the reality is such that so many people are ill-prepared for even reading their location in a new city, without some artefact to show them colourful lines on a virtual map to get from point to point (“Turn left at the next corner. Drive a hundred meters. Turn right. Turn right. You missed it…”).

We think we have reduced the clutter by putting all our books and music into a little pocketsize hard drive with a fancy screen, and yet we panic if that expensive toy gets broken. The stress levels can be more dramatic than losing a shipment of boxes containing the same items in their original format. Just like squirrels, we have a deeply rooted habit of hoarding.

Cut.

Pan to the right side of the brain…

Picture a lush garden with waterfalls and a soft breeze tickling the tree branches. There might be squirrels.

Cue the Zen approach to life…

Whilst it seems we are increasingly drawn towards subliminal slavery to technology, we are also learning to make great use of it. Now you can sit on a bus and read up on the latest nutritional benefits of quinoa, or listen to podcasts of your preferred spiritual mentor.

A lot of us crave a more meaningful existence. Daring to explore our inner callings, decompose anxieties, break destructive patterns, understand what it really means to be human.

Not everyone is going to take off on a weekend yoga retreat, where you can make a more concentrated effort on healing body, mind and soul. I have tried this and quite enjoyed it… admittedly being yoga’d out by the third and final day (hey, it was my first time). I even took my iPod and laptop so I could get some quality writing done between sessions, and found that I never touched one or the other, choosing instead to pull out a book and read it in charming outdoor silence, with hints of a few birds possibly discussing lunch plans.

It would seem these attitudes are at opposite ends of our existential spectrum, yet there is a growing number of people who are sitting somewhere in the middle… technological advances on one hand, determination to maintain all-round balance in their lives on the other.

So, whilst I am hopeful of our natural instinct to nourish spiritual endeavours, embrace deeper relationships with one another, and harbour a more holistic approach towards our personal development… I do of course love a cute gadget that will give me a friendly reminder to step away from the computer, pick up my fountain pen to go write in the sun, and call to wish you a happy birthday. Not to mention play my favourite tunes as I’m walking towards the coffee shop.

The technology around us is advancing at the speed of procreating rabbits, and yet humankind itself can get lazy and lost in this  myriad of gadgetry, thinking we are evolving through it as a species.

Therefore, I would encourage you to ask yourself if all those fancy little toys are truly enabling a more relaxed, meaningful, clutter-free lifestyle, or if they are inadvertently causing more stress than you originally anticipated. Are they truly helping you enhance as a person, or stupefying you? True balance comes from internal focus, not from shiny little objects…

So why have we turned our backs on our innate ability to look a challenge in the eyes and say, “I can do this”?

It seems so much time and energy gets misdirected on talking about our problems, instead of actually resolving them. Too many people thrive on this, and it’s a shame. And yet it can be very easy to get caught up in that dynamic when surrounded by others who mostly discuss their issues with no real focus on how to resolve them. In fact, I wonder what the carbon footprint is for talking crap these days – I’m sure the results would be shocking.

When I try to explain to some people how even the words we use can affect the outcome of our intentions, they look at me with evident confusion and doubt. They cannot envision how saying, “I want peace,” is better than “I don’t want drama,” because somehow to them, “I don’t want drama,” implies that they want peace – yet, that is not what they are saying. With so many people talking this same ‘language’ it is no wonder that things tend to work out less favourably.

The energy we share is akin to the way we breathe. If we sit huddled over ourselves all day, our ability to breathe becomes limited, and we feel less motivated, less interested. Yet if we pull our shoulders back and breathe in a healthy lungful of air, our attitude changes; so too does the flow of things around us. Go on, try it.

When people say ignorance is bliss, it truly can be… as long as we are not living in denial of our responsibilities, and by responsibilities, I mean with ourselves. It is also very easy to shift our focus towards external demands as opposed to internal necessities, and the danger lies in letting these so-called responsibilities dictate our lives, putting up walls of excuses between our inner inspiration and the passion to make things happen.

I can say hand on heart that this past year has been my most challenging so far, on many levels. Whilst I am grateful for the love, support and friendships that I have been blessed with in this time, there has been a lot of struggle to overcome obstacles, reach new levels of understanding, and generally remember that choices made are neither good nor bad, merely lessons to move along the path of life, even if we hurt or get hurt.

I have joked in recent months that my learning curve has been so steep I needed grappling hooks. Since I’ve always loved the idea of climbing mountains, the analogy seems fitting.

And that is what I am used to – making things happen and ‘climbing mountains’. Scaling new rocks and reaching the pinnacle, only to look back and remind myself of where I have come from, how far, and how much I have achieved. It is amazing, even with the hardships. I encourage you to do the same for yourself.

Wherever you are, take a few minutes to look back, thank and forgive others for what you have experienced with them. Most importantly, thank and forgive yourself. Remember that while so many other people’s lives have been literally destroyed by physical earthquakes, it is amazing to be alive, breathing, whole, here, and now. Even if you’re not quite where you’d rather be, you’re probably where you’re meant to be. If your best friend managed to finish the triathlon and you’re still on the treadmill building up stamina, it’s alright. You’ll get there when it’s time.

Tomorrow it may stop raining, you may have more money in your pocket, you may find the person you will spend the rest of your life with. But remember within all of that, it is you who makes your life what it is. You who choose to be happy, you who choose to aspire to a better self, you who share the wealth of your soul with others, you who go to sleep with your thoughts regardless of who might lie beside you.

And when you wake up in the morning, welcome yourself back to this existence. Whatever direction you take in life, you can change your mind at any time, but always try to change it for the better, even when faced with adversity from others (they won’t always understand you). Allow yourself the freedom to pick up a new canvas in life, large or small, and embrace the possibilities of what you can do with it. After all, what do the first three letters of the word  ‘canvas’ tell you?

On that note, better get some more chalk…

Amazing – Seal (watch the video)

Everyone says you’re amazing

You say you don’t know, how to do it now,
So you run,
It’s not that you’re bleeding, but you through it now,
So you run, so you run,
I know that you need it, you can’t live alone,
So you run, so you run…

Everyone says you’re amazing
Now that you’re clean
Only you know who the real one are, cause you’ve seen
There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when you’re here
Everyone see you’re amazing

Does anyone ask you?

If you cry in your sleep and do you feel okay
When you run,
Thinking its doomsday, you got to let it go,
So you run, so you run…

Pretend you don’t see it, that way we can live the lie, when you run…
So you run..

Everyone says you’re amazing
Now that you’re clean
Only you know who the real one are, cause you’ve seen
There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when, when you’re hear
Everyone see you’re amazing

Does anyone ask you…?
Cause I know that you real, amazing, amazing, amazing…

Everyone says you’re amazing
Now that you’re clean
Only you know who the real ones are, because you’ve seen
There is only one question I want to ask, is it healing when you’re hear
Everyone sees you’re amazing

Everyone says amazing
You’re amazing
(I want you to always feel amazing)
You’re amazing
(I want you to always feel amazing)
You’re amazing

As a child growing up in southern Spain, I used to know more or less what each season would be like, even though realistically we only seemed to have two seasons – summer and winter. In a land full of pine trees, olive groves and palm tree-riddled beaches, the colour of the landscape rarely changed from what I would call ‘dusty Andalusian green’

I remember seeing snow on the Sierra Blanca mountains maybe three times before I was anywhere near my teens. It was practically unheard of in that area, being so close to the salty Mediterranean air. In the last few years, however, it has become an almost yearly occurrence, with snow-capped mountains shining in the glistening January morning sunlight. The temperatures began to drop substantially, and I loved sitting at my desk gazing at the funny white stuff that I’d only ever heard of or seen in photographs and television programmes. I always dreamt of a White Christmas but didn’t actually have one until I was 29 and on a different continent.

Newcomers would ask me what the seasonal trends were, and eventually I had to tell them to expect anything. Usually, the rain would still fall religiously during the Holy Week processions in late spring, and the mixture of heat and humidity in August would make even the toughest locals crawl indoors with the A/C on full blast and cold beer on their minds, or cause sporadic summer storms.

There were a few drought restrictions, and water usage was made available from 1 to 2 in the morning one summer that I recall. Sadly though, the projected construction of up to 200 golf courses along the southern Mediterranean coast has chewed into the land, with many town halls falling prey to personal greed and the ability to see only as far as their own noses are concerned in terms of true sustainable community growth and development. Towns are crawling up to the water’s edge, overstepping legal requirements to push them back and preserve the natural coastline. Everybody wants to live near the water, and it never seems to be near enough. There shall be no pity when the increasing storms wash away pretty terraces and neighbours watch their expensive imported south-Asian furniture wash away, only to generate even more man-made underwater debris. I wonder what future marine biologists will make of this.

I used to tend my neighbour’s garden as a part time job. It eventually paid for the piano I proudly bought myself one year for my birthday. Besides teaching me that hard work and saving up can make for a focused and meaningful purchase, it also taught me a lot about nature and how to take care of it. I realised that poor water usage means that even if we have enough water available, we may still be wasting it and causing further harm to our surroundings. What you will see more often than not in the south of Spain (I can’t say much for anywhere else), is gardens and recreational areas being watered at midday, which is the worst time for such endeavours. Not only are plants put to risk by burning in the heat with fresh water on their leaves, thus countermining the efforts to keep the grass luscious and green, but also more water is used as part of it evaporates in the heat before reaching the ground. Gardening 101; water in the evening after the sun has gone down… the plants will be happy, and you will use less water, helping the environment all-round.

The south of Spain is currently undergoing a desertification process. This can be seen clearly in any progression of satellite imagery of the region. Scientists agree that the land is eroding, and partly because of the urbanisational rape of the region. The land is dry, property construction destroys its natural resources to protect itself from the harsh changes in temperature and climate, and therefore unable to regenerate. Paid pyronamiacs have destroyed acres of land in the past for companies to push for re-classification of barren terrain in order to feed their hungry bank accounts and build so-called ‘self-sustainable’ urbanisations (which actually require even more water usage for all the different plants they cram in to create pretty landscaped gardens for foreigners who run away from colder climates).

The rain that does fall lately is not always enough to nourish the land and fill the dams that provide fresh water to nearby populations. But recently there has been an increase in severe storms, and the damages caused are beyond imagination, because where once there was nothing but greenery, now the water pours through concrete rivers with nothing to slow it down but then open sea. Say a little prayer for those who stand in its way…

We have gone to an extreme that nobody quite dares to grasp, and those who try to propose changes and innovative concepts for water containment and optimal usage, are often pushed down by the greed and ignorance of people who should not hold such powers over decisions like this that affect us all.

In the ‘Blue Gold: World Water Wars’ (directed by Sam Bozzo, 2008) documentary, we are told that corporations are buying up ‘rights’ throughout the world in order to ‘manage’ water for everyone. Those who fear large businesses dominating any industry inevitably question their true intentions behind this move towards water sustenance. Is it a genuine interest in the world’s better management of this liquid gold, or are their potential dangers for power plays between regions and countries? After all, we know that the basic needs of a human being are what causes the greatest strife and often leads to wars. We have already gone through major conflicts over land, ideology, religion, fuel, and it is only natural – pun intended – that we should focus on humanity’s primary necessity besides oxygen (no doubt, that will be next if it isn’t already lined up on somebody’s agenda).

Children in far-away countries die each day from lack of water. Some countries still do not have a healthy water system to ensure that they are not drinking parasites that will kill them later on. Also take into account the fact that in the developing world, about 90% of all waste water is then returned to local rivers and streams.

Where some parts of the world are denied rainwater, others are flooded constantly – either way many people suffer the consequences of too much or none at all. Both man and nature have inadvertently conspired to engage in sabotaging acts of violence upon us. Mother nature is tired, and humanity is short-sighted. It is not an easy task to correct either ailment, but it is our duty and obligation as individuals and communities, and for existing and future generations, to channel our attention to this crucial issue.

The next time you complain about the rain flooding your garage, think of the vast developments in your hometown that have destroyed nature’s basic cycle. Think of the cracks in the earth somewhere across the world that have not seen a drop of rain in years, and ask if anyone really cares to drill deeper and find underground water reserves that would regenerate such arid land, and who may have blocked this humanitarian effort and why. The next time you drink a glass of fresh water, remember the process it has gone through to get to you, and appreciate that in other countries, there is no such thing as water purification. Remember where we have come from in all this time, and fathom where we are going with the current tendencies.

Personally, I grew up by the water, it is where I find my peace and my healing. Everywhere I go, I seek the tantalising waves of an ocean, or the silence of sitting by a peaceful lake in the middle of nowhere in particular. I was born under a water sign. It is in the air that I breathe, it is the basic liquid I must drink to stay healthy. Interestingly enough, both our planet and the human body are made up of approximately the same 70% of water. Essentially, I am water. And so are you. What are we without it?

Written for the Blog Action Day initiative.

Then, as time goes by – sometimes too quickly for our own personal satisfaction and subsequent disappointment – the relationship between us whittles to nothing. Time, ‘life’, circumstances, a change of energies and emotions… anything can affect the way we were yesterday and the way we will be tomorrow.

You try to understand them, respecting their space if that is what they ask of you. But if they are not forthcoming afterwards, there is only so much you can do before it tarnishes your heart and soul. You tell yourself this is just another growing pain, and march on stoically doing your best to fight the good fight.

You sense that the bridge may be burning, crumbling under your feet… but nobody tells you why. Who started the fire? Who should have been there to put it out? And what do you do with the pile of ashes that remains?

You wish them love and happiness, because you care. You do your best to show them compassion even though you may cry yourself to sleep at night out of frustration and confusion. You may never know what happened, or they might finally tell you 25 years later.

Forgive them, for they may be elsewhere in life and decided that you are not one to partake in their journeys – and for some reason they are not willing or able to tell you this. Forgive them, for perhaps life has decided that you are only to spend a very limited time in each other’s presence, and although the experiences may have been short-lived, the lessons learned will be with you forever. Forgive them, because maybe they will join your ranks again in the future, and you will welcome them with open arms to share your war stories in renewed awe of each other.

But in the meantime, because of the warmth of the burning embers in your chest, which is the only tangible thing you carry within… you thank them for all those little moments so far, leave the door open in case they wish to return, and then… you let them go.

I’ve met several people lately who complain about the ‘drama’ in their lives. For a while, I sympathised with their woes, although as time goes by I am beginning to realise something strange about this thing called ‘drama.’

I’ve also been debating with several friends about the concepts of having more or less positive people in our lives, and what this really does for us. It seems we’ve all been sensitive to the positive and negative tendencies displayed in those who surround us. Friends have commented how stressed they feel at times because of this, and we’ve been wondering what is better; to surround yourself as much as possible by the positive, or allow for the negative to show us other perspectives we may not always consider from our positive attitudes. At the end of the day, each one plays their part, but we can make conscious choices that will attract more of one or the other.

So, just as we carry positivity inside, so do we have the potential to carry drama, although we don’t always look at ourselves as the source of that drama. We tend more to externalise it, blame adversity on others, and ignore deeper issues that lie within ourselves, and which we could often control if only we didn’t put ourselves in situations that have the potential to cause us stressful moments.

I also find it hard to understand how certain people, with seemingly headstrong characters, often tend to shy away from confrontations that would actually ease up tensions that keep them on edge about certain people or situations.

So the next time you find yourself stuck in the middle of a nightclub, absorbed by tensions of those around you, ask yourself how much of that stress you may have caused by simply not being able to let go of old emotions. Or perhaps we feel that somebody is interested in us beyond friendship, and we are scared of being alone with them for fear of being caught up in something awkward, but are we really scared of them or are we actually unsure of our own desires and reactions? Some people will choose to distance themselves in the hopes that the other person will ‘get the point’, but being evasive can send the wrong message, and the only way forward is to be verbally clear and honest all around.

It may not be easy at first, but until we take full ownership of our energy, we will risk being hypocrites far longer than we would ever wish to admit and get caught up in a vicious circle of our own short-sightedness.

“Hi, how are you?” seems to have lost its meaning for some, becoming more of a light-hearted comment in passing as we cross on the street but don’t stop to converse in depth. We hide behind these fleeting moments, never quite facing or admitting how we really feel. Obviously, time is at a premium and most people don’t like to deal with deeper issues unless they are closer to someone.

We clearly don’t stop to listen to each other enough these days, let alone ourselves, which is why many individuals end up paying someone else to do just that. There is something very special about watching a person’s eyes light up when you give them the time of day or night to hear how they truly feel.

Talking to a friend this evening sparked a new question though. Even when we do take the time to listen to friends and family answer our probes as to how they are, when was the last time we asked ourselves that question? Truly. Deeply. How are you? 

We get so caught up in daily routines, work, outings, relationships of any kind, taking interest in our surroundings, travel, health, environment, worrying about politics and finance… all of these things make up our lives, but they don’t define who we really are or how we feel.

I will confess that I often soldier on through hard times, without necessarily stopping enough to look back over my shoulder and congratulate myself on certain achievements, or even stop to let my ‘self’ breathe. It always seems as though life keeps pushing us onwards that we don’t remember to take that time to reflect. The same happens when we don’t assess how we are feeling on a daily basis.

“Good morning Me, how am I today?”

We’ll ask our partners how their day went, but do we ask ourselves the same and answer honestly?

“Good evening Me, sit down, put your feet up and tell me all about it…”

We all talk to ourselves – whether we keep that internal monologue within our head or allow it to escape in innocent conversation with nobody else around to hear. But a lot of times we indulge in verbal diarrhoea, spewing out wasted words and thoughts about what we have done, what we should do, or what we would like to do. Go shopping, do the laundry, take out the garbage, get up early enough to go to work, charge up the phone, take out money for rent, watch the news, go for drinks with friends, call home, put that letter in the mail, add more salt to the pasta sauce… we talk so much trash to ourselves we ought to put our brains in the garbage sometimes. No doubt, we would realise our foolishness very quickly and want fresh air again.

Fresh air to recognise that we are happy or sad, fulfilled or missing something, motivated to search for that something or heal from past experiences, confront challenges and let hard times wash over us because we know they will come to pass.

We don’t all have to take up yoga, meditation, or any similar focusing techniques… we can find our little soulful nirvanas even knitting a hat or watching rain fall… but we have to make more of an effort not only for our own sakes, but for the sakes of those around us, especially the people we care about. We may never fully understand ourselves, because this is the magic of change and mystery, but we were born to learn, and learning only comes from listening and observing. And in this way we build our strength and relationships with others.

So the next time you ask another person how they are, just make sure you asked yourself that question first… and don’t be afraid to answer.

Most of us will remember how our parents taught us to mind our please and thank yous… whether it be by harsh reprimand or ‘that serious look’ on their faces. Depending which schools we attended, our teachers may have applied the same principles as well. Thankfully, a ruler never fell swiftly upon the palm of my hand.

We would have also been told to respect our elders, or anyone in general, for respect is only gained when shown to others. I know many will contest this, including myself, but when applied between intelligent people, it really does work. I remember attending a funeral in Spain a few years ago, and was humbled by the sight of an elderly man stopping in his tracks to take off his hat as the hearse drove past him, in a show of respect towards the departed. Nowadays, youths will leave their caps on while they have dinner at a restaurant, and nobody seems to care.

We may have been told not to scream, because it was bad manners, especially in public. Hold doors open for people. Stop to let others pass in front of us. The list goes on, but over the years, I have come to learn that being polite can sometimes be the greatest insult of all.

A very simple example to start with is this one. We’ve all had that crumb on the side of our mouth that nobody bothered to point out at the dinner table, leaving us to find it when we go off to the washroom to freshen up and feel like idiots when the little element of discord snickers at our reflection in the mirror. What does it really take to make a silent gesture to tell you about it? In essence, nothing. In practise, obviously too much for some to bother. And they just grin or feign ignorance because they didn’t want to embarrass you at the table… Pardon me?

Then there are those who, finding confrontation difficult or uncomfortable, avoid telling you they no longer want to be in your company just by stepping back and hoping you will figure it out from their silence and absence, or relying on a grape from the vine to whisper it in your ear. This is probably the most irritating and insulting of all, especially if you were very close to one another for a time. Grown ups who never quite grew up…

Or those who, after falling out of touch for a long time for whatever reason, continue to hide in embarrassment and choose not to get back in touch. This goes beyond politeness, but I actually don’t know what to call it as I’m still trying to understand it. Yet some people are so cemented in their ways that they will stubbornly block their own growth, rather than allow for change. Even when a simple, “I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch. Now… how are you?” could work wonders.

Whether it is a matter of pride, fear, lack of people skills, or whatever one wishes to call it, one thing is clear; being polite often involves having to do things we are not comfortable with. In the same way that many people will obscure the truth because they are afraid it will hurt somebody, the pain will be greater because of the attempt to hide things or soften the blow.

I’ve had my fair shaire of truths, half-truths, and un-truths. And I really don’t like hurting people, but I’m learning that sometimes it is better to pull that tooth in one confident yank instead of several mild attempts, which build up the awful blunt pain that seeps its way to the bottom of your stomach and pulls you down.

And I am grateful for the friends who challenge me in healthy, constructive ways, even if at times I have to deconstruct a part of myself in order to rebuild it for my own improvement.

Of course this poses the question, at which point do we start saying we cannot change, when essentially we are the only ones with the power and responsibility to change ourselves?

The world is stupid, some might say. On a bad day, I add ‘fucking’ to that sad little sentence. But deep down I still believe that we all have the ability to overcome our own self-ambushing tendencies.

On a scale of karmic economy and evolution, we are admittedly at different levels, and it is this tug of war that keeps us on our knees sometimes. You might say that in a less populated world we had more ‘space’ to deal with our issues and resolve them, but now that we have escalated to such a push and shove, sometimes we don’t really know if we are juggling our own emotions or somebody else’s. And we can’t all physically retreat to a mountaintop to figure it out, but we have to learn to filter regardless.

When we become closely involved with someone, inevitably there is a sharing of energy and emotions, and we become vulnerable to both the positive and the negative. So unless you choose to live a completely sheltered, abstinent life, you’re going to be in for a ride whether you like it or not. Look at the whole journey though, not just the road-trips.

I don’t believe we can choose all our battles, because that is not what life is about, and the majority of us would learn nothing. I do, however, believe we can choose our own warriors, but sometimes we will have to confront one another in order to better understand who we are as individuals and be able to fight back to back with confidence.

I know couples who have struggled for years to stay together, eventually emerging from an unknown silence that kept them alienated from their respective partners. Or those who thought they had fallen into a bad situation out of eagerness to claim a certain social status or sense of belonging.

Some have stuck it through, feeling they had no other choice, resigning themselves to an uncomfortable situation through financial dependence on the other person, or just plain fear of stepping back into the unknown. Others held firm to their belief that things would get better.

Many people have been more than pleasantly surprised when this kind of situation turns right around and graces them with the happiest time of their lives, either disproving their despondent views or confirming what they believed in at long last. This ultimately applies to any kind of relationship, personal or professional.

It’s never easy to know when to go on fighting, and when to raise your hands in dignified defeat. We must go boldly forth, but a river can stream through many meanders no matter how deep and wide the main channel may be. Who’s to know which rivulet we may have to navigate temporarily until we are led back to our main stream?

And while we do this, is it entirely fair to another person to cut them out so we can deal with our own issues, when it is only human nature to share and help each other? Our shoulders may be large enough to carry many burdens, but it doesn’t mean we have to.

The urban jungle is selfish. The tools we use to survive now are more likely to be cunning and deception than communal spirit and dedication to self-awareness, quite often having to second-guess each others’ actions so that one can be a step ahead of the other in this infamous rat-race. Go figure, we compare ourselves to rats… doesn’t that explain a lot about the way people feel about themselves these days? When did belittling ourselves become a habit?

Humility is a virtue, but don’t confuse it with denying yourself a wonderful life just because you’re afraid to have more than others. Remember everybody has a different history and their own rivers to navigate.

So, while we may strain to figure out exactly what we want, sometimes this is the easier challenge. Afterwards, we are faced with finding out how to achieve what we want. And this is where life throws us both safety nets and dead weights. It is up to you to decide what to do with each one.

It is also up to you to choose who fights with you, because no great warrior ever fought completely alone.

What You Believe In – Take That

What am I to you and what are you to me?
Are we getting better or did we used to be?
What of the songs we used to sing?
Where are the souls we used to carry in?
What is a sail without a hurricane?
What is a hurt without someone to blame?
Show me the sky and I climb the stairs
Give me something ’cause I’m losing it

Give me what it is you believe in
’cause I give to you my truth
I got all my faith in you
I don’t know which way we are going
Doesn’t matter anyway
Just as long as you will stay

Tell me the word and I’ll shout it out
For what is a voice when in doubt?
The world has changed
The world will change
Oh give me something ’cause I need to feel

It’s all good you know
I still love you so
And you don’t have to do this on your own ]]> http://www.karinpinter.com/through-thick-thin-or-what-you-believe-in/feed 1