“What Do You Want… that You Already Have?”

So, let’s see what we’ve already got… shall we?

The Back Story
I’ve been on a major trailblazing path. Those of you who know me have been a part of it, those who read me for the first time – welcome to my visions of the world. Please bring cookies. Thank you.

This leg of my journey started with a major wake up call after a life-changing event a few years ago that turned my world as I knew it inside out. I was in a place that was full of human warmth, cozy, relatively easy, full of new adventures, nature at its deepest green, with a dedicated support network that lovingly wanted to do what they could to help me stick around… And suddenly, I was out. Bam. I became the player who’d been forced to sit out the next few seasons. And all because I didn’t ‘fit in’ to a particular tick box.

“GUTTED” just about sums it up.

Baseball bat to the solar plexus. Took me down hard and fast. My sense of uniqueness winded.

I ended up in a city and country I’d never consciously perceived living in, and I did it consciously because this move kept me closer to where I want to be rather than going back to where I’d originally come from. Such has been my passion that I was willing to look this strange creature in the eyes and learn what I needed to from it, because somehow I’ve always managed to face those fears and give them my best defiant, “F*** you, I’ve got this one,” smile. Yes, I will be eternally grateful for the awareness and blessings it has provided me so far. It has offered the idyllic scenario for me to kick start my healing drive, come hell or high waters – who knew? I allowed myself to shift my thinking, give myself options, look at life through a brand new kaleidoscope of possibilities, reinvent myself, realize that it all comes down to my own true merits, and FEEL again.

And I came full circle within myself. Halle-frickin’-lujah. Progress.

I realised, and now respect, that I was not born to fit into a box. My whole life has been a series of out-of-the-box experiences, allowing me to create a whole new paradigm for myself and for others willing to partake in its wonders.

So…

What I Want…
I want to go home. Where I feel I belong, where my soul breathes clean fresh air and where love and life in all their permutations dance and hide and play and keep me guessing, keep me motivated to be a better person, believe in my dreams, build them with true passion and courage, be the magic, enjoy the silence, be okay with being vulnerable at times, and appreciate what I have at any given moment. Because the real borders are those in our minds, and once those are gone, everything else becomes a minor technicality, right?

In this time, life has thrown me for a few loops, and I’ve built my resilience through each one. The real cardio workouts come from those wretched emotional nights that never seem to end until you’re completely exhausted, and you wake up the next morning to the dreamy scent of jasmine sneaking through the window. Brand new day with a fresh new start or what? Hell yeaaah…

…That I Already Have
I am home. Home is wherever I choose it to be, at all times, because my heart is my home. And yours is too. And in its constant expansion, it encompasses more and more territory, until there is a seamless flow from place to place. I have the ease and flexibility to step in and out of all the places in which I feel at home, give what I can AND receive more every time. Unbound by authoritarian, obsolete rules. Giving freely, receiving openly. Trusting that love guides and wins, against all odds.

And my home is abundantly furnished with Belief, Passion, Bold Coffee, Patience, Adventure, Trust, Wit, Courage, Owls, Confidence, Pure Awe, Honesty, Chuckles, Wealth, Banana Bread and Love. Always and above all, with Love. And I know I can set the picket fence wherever I choose now, because it’s all up to me (I might add a condo to the mix for the hell of it). And it’s already happening with every new thought and inspiration I put forth.

Because… I Figured It Out.

Thank you Universe. Thank you Reflection in the Mirror. Thank you Beautiful People.

There. That’s my answer, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Now, what do you want… that you already have?

Only recently have the subtleties of it become clearer. We all have our ways of expressing how we think, how we feel, what our needs are, and how we can come together to make things happen.

Some people spend a lifetime bottling things up and holding themselves back, never finding a healthy way to tell others what’s important to them. It can become a vicious cycle for them – surfacing briefly and then diving back under water to be uncomfortably numb again.

Some people get angry and blame their troubles on others, like a raging bull in a china shop – when all that was needed was a more gentle approach to find a mutually beneficial solution.

We’ve grown up in different family dynamics, cultures and educational systems – and instead of using that as an excuse, I feel it’s our choice as individuals to undo any of the blockages we may have been ‘taught’ through these experiences. The others were simply doing what they knew best at the time. And the time for you to do and be your best is now, wouldn’t you agree?

If you’ve felt ‘stuck’ expressing yourself, then it’s probably a wonderful sign for you to step up and change how you communicate so you can have a more fulfilling life, because the best way for others to learn who you are, is if you start sharing it with them.

It’s like learning to walk – one step at a time, no pressure. Gauging the responses you get, becoming comfortable asking questions, trusting that there will be no judgement, and seeing how easy it all becomes.

Be patient with yourself, and those who are in tune will be patient with you.

To create a healthy, balanced safe zone so we can be who we are, there is a subtle dance in which it’s up to both of us to keep our eyes, ears and the doors of communication open.

And once you break (or walk) through your own walls, asking and sharing becomes so much more rewarding. The load lightens up as you express yourself more openly with those who have your best intentions at heart.

So you can start talking, because I’m listening (and I’ve got the cookies and milk ready)…

And thank you for reading me.

After a while, I realised that wasn’t very healthy, especially where reciprocity was lacking.

Taking time to actively delve into how my life experiences so far have shaped me, and how I show up now and what I value (my ‘homework’ as I call it), it’s opened my eyes to a lot of misconstrued and outdated concepts.

I’ve come to see that it’s more about doing things because I’m inspired by that person, which is the key to maintaining my personal balance and creating a healthy synergy. Of course, the rest of Bryan Adams’ lyrics still apply…

Yet, the old stories of heroes and villains and damsels in distress are long gone. And memories of past ‘missed takes‘ can easily be healed now, the future given fresh new meaning and direction.

Fighting implies pain, hardship, struggle, possibly someone’s disapproval, and other uncomfortable things. It puts an unnecessary strain on the overall accomplishment of the goal at heart, and generally pushes it farther away because the focus is on the fight, not the love itself.

There’s no need to explain to others, no need to justify. It’s not what they think, it’s what you know. Allow yourself to be within a whole new world.

So, no, it’s not about saving anyone or fighting for love anymore. You can put the sword & shield aside now, you won’t be needing them (and the horse will live longer too).

Instead, you can feel that initial spark gain impetus and become a warm, comforting fire. That little nervous shake you keep getting? It’s just the fire heating up and shaking off old fears and doubts.

The real path to love is, purely, and simply, love itself. And of course, it starts within each one of us – taking initiative to take care of ourselves, then expanding our self love to embrace and include another amazing human being.

It’s made up of qualities like attention, care, asking, learning, remembering, sharing, patience, romance, consideration, active support, humour, respect, the little things that make a big difference, keeping each other’s best interests in sight, taking time out of a busy schedule even if it’s just a few minutes to check in with one another, understanding each other’s need for space to do what you need to do, enjoying the moments together and trusting the spaces in between…

Whatever works for both of you, as long as you’re both communicating frequently and exploring the mutual curiosity. Because at the same time as we’re discovering new things about one another, we’re also discovering more about ourselves. And that’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?

If you encounter adversity, criticism or skepticism from others, do you fall prey to it and look the other way, or do you quietly build your muscle of belief and keep advancing, boldly and with confidence, in the direction your heart is showing you?

If you encounter resistance in yourself, what is it that you’ve really been holding yourself back from, that you can let go of now and give yourself the opportunity to freely love and be loved?

Where there is real love, there is no judgement and no rejection, which makes cutting out the guess-work and expressing yourself so much easier.

“Does she tell you what she wants,
Can you give her what she needs?”*

Love is expansion, freedom. Someone who believes in you more than you might, and encourages you to live your dreams in ways you wouldn’t expect and without you asking. A natural desire for you to be, do and have what you envision, even if you haven’t figured it all out yet. Isn’t that a relief?

What if you allowed yourself to pleasantly surprise and be surprised more and more, every day?

And of course, you can dance around the fire any time you please.

So for me, it’s about fostering love. It feels so much better. And there’s magic in that.

Here’s to You, and thank you for the inspiration.

* Pretty Things – Take That

I used to ask my Dad for advice when I was a kid, and often I’d leave our conversations feeling discouraged. I had these wonderful, creative, out-of-the-box ideas that I wanted to turn into reality, yet my motivation seemed to dampen after hearing his logical explanations of how he had done things, and how his was the ‘only way’ they would work. I took it as a personal defeat for quite some time, thinking my ideas weren’t good enough. It was a strange push-pull between respecting his experience as my Dad, and wanting to just do as my heart desired. He was also trying to protect me from making mistakes.

Clearly, his way of doing things was different from mine, yet I valued his opinion so highly that I felt doing things my way wouldn’t work, simply because ‘he knew best’. After all, he was older, wiser, my Dad. Until I realised some of his ways of thinking were outdated. His perspective, you might say, had become stuck in the past.

After some frustration, I changed my strategy over what I shared with him, for the sole purpose of giving myself the freedom to choose, to differ, to embrace my own magic and create my world as I envisioned it to be. And I still love him for the insights, because this has been one of my biggest lessons in really believing in myself and my powers of creation. And, he truly does have one of the most brilliant minds I know.

And since mistakes are really just “missed takes,” I’ve happily learned to recalibrate and move forward with renewed perspective on my experiences. Just like playing the drums, you keep at it until your coordination is on point, constantly refining speed and dexterity.

You might find yourself asking for someone’s opinion or approval. And that’s great as long as you keep an open mind and heart to make the decisions that best suit you after they’ve give you their answer.

Where are they coming from in their opinions? Are they setting conditions on your desired outcomes and happiness? Are they stuck in their own past with limited views and projecting these into your future, or have they created new awareness for themselves to offer you an unconditional, expansive insight that best serves you?

You’ll know by the way you feel about their responses in a heartbeat.

It is our human nature to evolve, and those who choose to remain in their comfort zones tend to get very uncomfortable with those of us who courageously shift into a new zone that may seem out of reach for them. It is also their choice to adapt and allow for their own growth and clarity.

Knowing this now, you can see through other people’s limited views, and free yourself from past inhibitions, can’t you?

Living life through others’ eyes, gives you their results. Living life through your eyes, gives you your results. Whose results do you really want for your life?

The amazing thing is, you already know this, don’t you? And it’s alright to thank the others for their input and still make your own choices based on your desires and inspirations. Use what you see and feel now, and the experiences that you create, to confidently position yourself in a clean and clear future.

You’ll find that the grass is greener wherever you are and whenever you choose, once you gain the clarity within yourself and take active steps towards nurturing that seed.

After all, an orchid never quite blooms the same way. Yet, you still know that giving it the right amount of nurturing care and attention, its buds are going to blossom, and you can trust that it will be a beautiful surprise every time.

Right?

I don’t think she realises that for some time before that, I had felt she was imposing to me, and I was in awe of the fact that she even wanted to spend time with me.

Isn’t that ironic?!

I’ve experienced this several times in the past, and as I actively delve into what makes me tick, it really just came down to trusting and believing in myself more. And once I mastered that, the added confidence provided me with the muscle and the motivation to find inspiration in those people or circumstances that once had seemed imposing to me.

I found that by valuing myself more, those inhibitions disappeared. And that’s when the word suddenly transformed from ‘intimidating’ to ‘inspiring’.

I encourage you to do the same.

When you choose to see someone as ‘imposing’ to you, make a list of what that brings up in you, and then ask yourself where you were selling yourself short and how you can improve on all those levels now. Because it’s really not about them, it’s about you… isn’t it?

It’s the small things that make the difference that make the big difference.

So take the time to dedicate yourself to yourself every day, starting with a few minutes in the morning to set your focus. Sift, explore, observe, ask for what you want (and a little more for good measure to stretch your own visions of reality). Enjoy the process as you shift out of the seed and into a tall, strong, respected tree in the forest.

You’ll probably grow faster than you even bargained for. Because you’re not bargaining with yourself anymore – now you’re going for gold with a passion and motivation that are backed by a strong belief in yourself.

These moments are golden opportunities for growth as you actively shed any layers of doubt that were holding you back from meeting the most amazing person you will ever know – You.

The others are really just there to say, “Look, it’s okay. I’ve been through similar experiences, and the view from this tree is amazing.”

The keyword here is ‘through.’

That so-called ‘intimidating’ person or situation is really just offering another opportunity for you to walk through and develop a fresh new perspective of yourself .

So in that moment you can ask yourself:

“What inspiring things can I remember about myself through my experiences with you?”

And once you’re through, you may find that what once seemed intimidating to you, is now a source of inspiration. And you yourself have become an infinite source of inspiration for others to do the same for themselves.

Ain’t that a treat?

Golden, I tell you… Golden.

Yet, not one of you so far has asked, “How?”

“How can I get on a positive thought path?”
“How can I build that mental muscle to overcome any setbacks along my journey, and clear any others that were there?”
“How can I clear patterns that are clearly not working for me?”
“How can I even realise I’m running patterns that are not working for me?”
“How can I take things less personally and remove blockages in my relationships?”
“How can I stop beating myself up internally, and create the life that I desire?”

I could go on… but I’ll let you write your own list of questions now that I got your mind warmed up.

Have you been asking yourself these questions, or have you circled around, “Why?” like a vulture scoping out its prey?

Instead of, “Why am I not feeling good about myself?” ask, “How can I change the way I feel about myself?”

Or, “Why am I not able to sustain a healthy intimate relationship?” ask, “How can I improve my relationship with myself, in order to attract a meaningful lasting relationship with someone else?”

All of this leads me to question how much of what I’ve written you’re actively taking on board, or dismissing as, “That positive talk of hers.” And what might be motivating resistance in you?

I’m not just sharing these insights to fill in pieces of paper or blog posts for my own self expression (or as a reminder to myself), I’m writing them for you. Because I hear your worries, troubles and woes, and this is my platform to voice some of the ways you can make your own life easier. I believe in your ability to create anything you choose. You inspire me to inspire you towards the life you dream of and rarely take time to believe in these days. Because life is for living, learning and enjoying, not dragging one’s feet in misery, self-deprecation, skepticism and lack of self-worth.

And it’s not about me proving any of this to you, because if you don’t believe in your own power, then no amount of external support or validation is going to quiet the negative voices in your head unless you choose to (even though it may encourage you to start speaking to yourself with more love and support). I am going to continue sharing these thoughts as they come to me, purely out of knowing that at some given moment, you’ll be ready to act on them. And it may not even be through my words, which is fine. There’s enough coffee going around for everyone to wake up, and you already are, right?

And by applying yourself, you will learn to see the results of your own thinking in a whole new light.

Some of you have been getting negative results and spinning your wheels in further negative self talk or brow-beating, and blaming external circumstances for your troubles. Without realising it, you’ve basically created your own tornado of doom and gloom, which you may be experiencing in work or career, relationships, friendships, or how you relate to your immediate environment.

And you haven’t felt great about that, have you?

It’s time to consider flipping the page now and start with a new approach, and without judgement. Take all those negatives and turn them into positives. How often you repeated the negatives to yourself may be a starting point to how often you’ll repeat the positive thoughts to yourself, until you experience your internal tipping point for those new thoughts to become the norm within you, and show yourself astounding new results. You may actually find it just takes you a week or two – and that will be cool, will it not?

My passion is driven by wanting you to want yourself to have the life you’re playing inside your mind come to a tangible fruition. Take those visions, doodle on the storyboard, and play.

Play with your talents, play with your strengths, learn to accept and respect your intuition. Believe in your power of creativity. And remember simplicity…

If you’re sitting in a cold living room, do you continue to sit there and complain, or do you get up and turn on the heat? You turn on the heat, right?

So apply the same simplicity to the other things that are not working for you, and change them.

Be patient, kind and forgiving of yourself. And it’s okay to admit you were running negative thoughts, at least to yourself. Awareness really is the key – invite yourself to walk through that door confidently. You may find there’s banana bread waiting for you on the other side…

That said, who’s written their list and going to be the first to ask,”How?” (and actually mean to do something about it).

~/~

Earl Nightingale put this very simply, “You become* the thing you think about most of the time.”
(*or get)

For example, if you’ve been stressing about work, relationships, finances, studies… well guess what? Where you direct your energy is how it will come back in the same fashion. So stressing about work means work becomes stressful. Worrying about finances means stumping your own cash flow. Studying becomes harder. And so on…

So, instead of beating ourselves up and wondering, “Why did this happen to me?” when an uncomfortable situation has arisen, how about taking a freshly squeezed perspective on things instead to shift the focus of your energy?

When life throws you lemons, take the lemon and…

Juggle it, make lemon meringue pie, then dance the merengue with it, paint faces on it, serenade it, draw it, add some lemon zing to your smoothie, plant a tree with its seeds so you can make more lemon meringue pies and sell them, tickle the lemon in case it laughs, make a little lemon film, play golf with it and see how far it will go, ask your neighbour what he or she would do with it, tweet about it (#PowerOverTheLemon), take it to a ball game,  write a story, go to the museum, take a walk around the park, go to the beach…

And you may notice now that the lemon has disappeared. My guess is it’s still at the museum staring at some of its relatives in the Renaissance section.

Sheesh, look at how much power you just reclaimed over that situation.

And what a lovely renaissance moment for you, right!

Now that you’ve put that initial upset behind you, and you’ve released whatever negative emotions were attached to it, it’s time to get back on track with here and now, and more importantly what you are doing about it with a positive and constructive attitude, because your reality is really up to you, isn’t it?

Great. Rock on.

PS: Thank the lemon for showing up to help you find creative ways to get out of unpleasant situations.

#PowerOverTheLemon

Say whaaaat?

I believe in the power of thought, and therefore the power of manifestation. What we think, so we become, as well as what comes to us.

If you’re only thinking about your ‘flaws’, and how other people perceive those so-called ‘flaws’ in you, then guess what? You’re probably not going fully enjoy yourself or any of your relationships because internally your focus will be on those ‘flaws’, not the full acceptance of another person’s love. Those thoughts will jump up from time to time and sabotage your self-confidence, which will sabotage how you relate to others.

More importantly, by giving those ‘flaws’ so much importance, are you seriously going to lock yourself into the belief that they’ll never go away, thus keeping yourself tied down in self-doubt and disappointment? In fact, what you perceive to be a ‘flaw’ in yourself, may go completely unnoticed by another person who really cares about you; but you won’t even notice them because you’ll be too busy looking for someone else to tell you it’s okay to have that ‘flaw’ and stay in that uncomfortable comfort zone.

It would be a good idea to stop enabling the limiting beliefs you have about yourself now, because life has so much more to offer if you only allow it to happen. Shake them off and get moving!

So, if you do not think of such traits as ‘flaws’, but rather opportunities for continued self-improvement, then by George, those ‘flaws’ and the idea of them will disappear, right?

{Cue: happy dance}

We’re here to love and learn and have a fabulous life, so what’s the point of beating ourselves up over things that are within our power to change at any given moment?

{Answer: there is none!}

Change the way you look at those ‘flaws’, and the way you look at yourself will improve significantly.

Ergo, love yourself, and those who are meant to will love you back for all that you are, and all that you desire. And you may find it will be easier for you to accept them into your life, because you’ve accepted yourself first.

{Sing: “Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead…”}

Think of an athlete. An athlete does not stop at the first limitation of his/her abilities. Athletes are constantly refining attitude and physical exertion in order to go beyond their existing limits of that moment, so that each successive goal they set for themselves can be achieved and surpassed yet again. They run faster, kick the ball farther, get the puck in the goal with absolute precision; you name it, they do it. Again and again, overcoming any limiting beliefs they may have had about themselves.

Now, think of a musician. A musician practises his/her instrument every day, stretching those fingers to hit the keys above an octave, pressing the strings tighter for a cleaner sound, gently turning the bow for that ever-so-subtle change in nuance, reading new music… Constantly, diligently, testing out new ways of refining their skill for improved performance and satisfaction.

So, what’s stopping you from applying the same strategy to the inevitable adjustments of your mind, and extending them into your life? Exercise your mind, and soon you’ll see some of that undesired weight fall off and your muscles tone up. When you come across another ‘flaw’ simply stretch it out, figure out what you haven’t been looking at in a positive light, the flip side of that coin, the truth that’s been hiding there waiting for you to realise how wonderful you really are.

Suddenly, your mind just got stronger, didn’t it?

And you’re feeling better about yourself.

Great. Now that you’ve got your mind actively shaking off those limiting beliefs, if you come across others’ resistance to this and they’re saying, “It cannot be done,” then just smile and tell them this wonderful Chinese proverb:

“The person who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person doing it.”

Because the odds are, what they’re really saying is THEY do not believe it can be done, because they’re not believing in themselves enough to make that change… yet. I always hope, you see.

Now, go and be flawless.

Absolutely flawless.

Out of place, inside of you.

Perhaps you feel upset, disconcerted, or unhappy with the way your life is going. Wanting to cry over some as-yet unspecified reason. The answer may appear later in your dreams, in conversation, or in silent contemplation.

If you’ve ever chosen to delve; seriously, unabashedly, delve into the intricacies of who you are, no doubt you will have experienced these little earthquakes.

You know that sifting for gold takes great care and dedication; sifting for a deeper understanding of who you are requires all of this, and more.

Most (or first) of all, it requires letting go of any judgements you may hold over yourself. Learning to love who you are. Listening to truths that have been locked inside of you longer than you may consciously remember. Knowing that it’s okay to let go of old behaviours that no longer serve you and were pulling you into fragmented parts.

Each of these parts plays an integral part of your complete self, and it’s through careful sifting that you realign them like little musketeers fending for your greater intentions.

All for one.

And with dedication you can pull yourself back together on a mental, spiritual and emotional level.

Overwhelming as some emotions may seem at times, their intentions are not to isolate us; they’re simply passing through us much as a river overflows to purge the debris. Onto our next level of clarity and awareness.

Now you’ll see that those little earthquakes you once feared are merely the shivers of your soul, eagerly shaking off what was holding you back from your own potential.

And it’s alright… You’re strong enough to navigate the emotions and changes you’re experiencing, otherwise they wouldn’t be surfacing for you to come to these new realisations now, right?

One, for all of us to delight in your newfound strengths.

Don’t you just love yourself?

“Own your power and become your own masterpiece.”