Lessons in Love
I know what the point of this question is, but its particular phrasing caught my attention, because during the course of time, somehow we have been taught to think with our hearts and feel with our minds.
Once upon a time we were enamoured by the intensity of a person’s gaze, the way they doted upon us, or made the world fade to nothing with the touch of their hand. And this does still happen, but it is often quickly bullied by so many other factors that we deny ourselves those magic moments, watching helplessly as the flame flickers to a trickle of smoke before it ever gets a chance to catch on fire.
Some people choose their partner because he or she fits a particular ideal of fabricated perfection. They look, walk and talk right– but do they really feel right?
Sometimes we jump at an opportunity because we fear there won’t be another. Faced with this challenge, are we a long awaited trophy or a well researched treasure?
Life can be so demanding and fast-paced that we’re building the house before we even establish whether or not we can enjoy a simple walk along the beach. We externalise too much, and lose sight of the balance that is required. Can you sit comfortably with each other in isolation, and mingle as a couple among the crowds with the same ease? Does it matter that you have different social interests and ‘lives’ if you enjoy your one-to-one company? How much silence can you share without it being awkward or obvious you don’t know how to reach out to one another? Can you handle the way he or she looks at you or do you retreat deeper into your shell every time?
Tying ourselves into silly knots and clambering higher up the mountain to see who will make the superhuman effort to follow is a waste of time and energy. If we have doubts, we may dig up the past to review any patterns or tendencies, but not even this generally provides the answer to what we need to know here and now, because we are focusing too much on the mental aspect of love. In the words of Paulo Coelho, “The wise are wise only because they love. The fools are fools only because they think they can understand love.”
Let us not be fools then, and release ourselves from this labyrinth. If a person appears in our lives and provides fair grounds for attraction (and our instincts don’t throw up warning signs), let us try to explore this avenue without much brainstorming, for the word itself bodes demise. Let us allow little perfect moments to accumulate, and worry not about large heroic actions with which to sweep or be swept off our feet. Life is ever-changing, and even if we seem to set our standards too high, perhaps lowering them a little does not imply that we are giving in and settling for the next best thing, rather loosening up and allowing ourselves to be surprised.
As for me, I’m fed up with thinking, and my answer will manifest in its own time…
